I’m Weird and I Know It

I wish could tie you up in my shoes

Make you feel unpretty too

I was told I was beautiful

But what does that mean to you

 

Unpretty by TLC

 

Growing up can be hard, but it’s specifically hard when there are stereotypes that you are expected to live up to. I am a black woman, however growing up in a ‘diverse’ school, I was an outsider.

I was the only black girl in many of my classes in elementary school, while most of the students were either white, Indian, Filipino, Asian, and everything in between. There were certain expectations that were placed on me purely for my race.

 

There was an assumption that I was less intelligent, and I must have been cheating when I excelled at my math. This is a dumb assumption, seeing how both my parents are mathematicians

There were expectations for me to act like a typical little black girl, whatever that was. Well, I definitely disappointed.

 

I was overweight, energetic, and overly friendly. In my head, everyone was my friend, and as my cousin said, I have never met a stranger. I was very outgoing, and I didn’t subscribe to acting a certain way. I was me.

 

This caused a lot of conflict between my siblings and I, because I was weird. Whatever that means. Now that I’m an adult, I’m glad I’m weird. If I was normal, I would be boring as hell.

 

However, when you’re a kid, being weird is terrible. The boys I liked never liked me back. The kids in my class were ‘too cool’ to be my friend. The other black girls in the school that I was weird because I wasn’t hood enough, or black enough, or whatever they thought I should have been.

 

Never insecure until I met you

Now I’m bein’ stupid

 

I liked rap music, and I knew all the dances. Which is huge in the early 2000’s. I also liked Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco.

I was a rather well rounded kid. I loved reading, and writing. I loved to play sports (except soccer) and I was very good at them too.  

 

I also loved to watch anime, create websites just for fun, and spend more time chatting with people online than pretending to like the bullies I went to school with.

 

My outsides look cool

My insides are blue

Every time I think I’m through

It’s because of you

 

I was good at school, and usually got good grades without trying, however it did not interest me much. I liked winning. I could win at school without trying so I did. I took everything as a challenge which took me learning weird things because someone claimed to be better at it than I.

 

 

One weekend, this older guy said he knew the Greek alphabet. So I went home, and memorized it. He was lying. At least it helped me when I got to college and pledged.

 

I also loved playing video games. In my family, we had all the games we could ever want. They were basically our babysitters. We had a Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64, Sega Genisis, and a Game Gear. We had a Playstation, Playstation 2, PC Games, Gameboy, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, Gamebody Advance SP, and Nintendo DS.

We had every game, because my mom was obsessed with games in her day, and wanted us to have the same experience. Also, if she put us in the basement with video games, the rest of the house was quiet and peaceful for her.

 

I would play The Sims on the computer, look up and realize 8 hours had passed. I loved playing games, and it was a great escape from the realities of growing up a ‘weird’ kid. I chose Marching Band on Friday nights instead of getting in trouble downtown with the other kids. I chose band practice all summer instead of staying home doing nothing.

I chose to go to the library and read books instead of having to fight the people who were bullying me, because I was tired of having to fight. As an adult, I’m happy to break the stereotypes.

 

I am me. No one can define who I am, what I should be doing, or who I should be, except for me.