Fly Out a Window

Face your fears

Stare them down

Don’t be scared

Stand your ground

Cause nothing is scary as it appears

All you gotta do is face your fears

 

Face Your Fears by Rachel Bloom

 

 

There comes a time, when you realize you aren’t a kid anymore. Some people are prepared, and just know. They are born with this instinct, this drive, this “I’ve been an adult since I was 5 years old.”

 

I didn’t have that. I realized I was an adult when I was standing in front of a group of 13-20 year olds, and realized that I’m their teacher and have to keep them alive for the next 8 hours….every Monday-Friday…until the end of time.

Fly out of a window,
Fly off a building

On paper, I was prepared to be an adult. I had two jobs, had a bachelor’s degree, had a teaching license, was in a fairly successful relationship that I hadn’t sabotaged, and I was paying my rent on my own on time every month.

 

To me, that seems like pretty good adulting. But then nothing could prepare me for the first moment I walked into the classroom, and I didn’t have that person that is more of an adult, and will make sure I don’t accidentally do something wrong, or say the wrong thing. I was a for real teacher.

 

All you gotta do is face your fears

 

It was terrifying.

 

Why was it terrifying? This is why:

 

I was only 3 years older than my oldest student, so I instantly feared the worst.

What if they don’t listen to me?

What if they are smarter than me?

What if they try to fight me?

If you’re scared of bees,

Get Stung!

Well, all my fears came true, and more!

 

But then the realization, that I’m an adult now, whether I like it or not, and seeing all of these teenagers in front of me reaffirming that childhood is over, but being an adult is so much better anyway helped push me into accepting it quickly.

 

Because after a really bad day at school….I can go to happy hour with my friends and they can’t!

On a non-alcoholic note, I also have the freedom to actually take my time to de-escalate and spend time alone.

As a child, or a teenager, I didn’t have the freedom to do that. Now, I can take as much time as I need, go for a walk or a drive, and refresh myself. My cool down periods have helped me remain level headed and calm in the classroom and little Timmy* is getting on my last nerve.

*For the record, I have yet to teach a Timmy, so little Timmy will be an example from here on out, until Timmy walks through the door.